Been stressing out over the exploratory gastric surgery that I am having on the 10th. Much more stressed than I was when I had lap Roux-en-y in Sept 2009.

I think it is due to the uncertainty…

not knowing what is causing my upper left quadrant pain…

worrying what they will find once they get the camera inside…

wondering what will be needed to fix it…

Is it just my irritable bowel?

Is it all just stress induced?

An ulcer?

Hernia?

Adhesion?

Scarring?

Gastric Fistula?

I have been reading and THINK it may be the fistula. Where my new pouch is re-attaching to my old stomach… that would also explain my low weight loss.

Maybe the low weight loss is my messed up metabolism.

Gonna have my endocrinologist check me for Cushings.

52 lbs loss in 11 months after gastric bypass by all means is a FAILURE

My current weight and BMI still qualifies me for Gastric Bypass.

Still having all sorts of stomach pain. More constant the past few weeks. Have it even at night.

The Pain, Nausea and Diarrhea is making my life miserable.

At times I get so full so quickly and other times it feels like my appetite is never satiated. Always hungry.

Thought that after RNY that I was suppose to feel full after 1/2 c food and I never was.

I am still doing my best to follow all my dietary rules.

So frustrating.

Weight at Dr. Greg Mancini last week was 220 lbs. a weight I have weighed since January!!!!! (within 10 lbs) I did go up to 230 last month. Gaining weight. FAILURE! Had to go on a liquid diet to lose those 10 nasty pounds.

My glucose levels have been swinging wildly. For  instance once today it was 351 and then 70!!!!

I am taking much less insulin the past week or so. Down to around 15 units daily now. Last year at this time I was taking up to 150 units daily.

I no longer take Aygestin,  Abilify, or Lyrica. Seems that has helped my glucose levels. Just have been going too low often. Re-adjusted my insulin pump. Just not sure how much insulin to  take. Trial and Error. Best to take not enough than too much so I have been doing lots of insulin Corrections. Testing 5-6 times daily. Gonna test again after I post this.

I have been so worried and depressed. Been sleeping way to much. Around 12+ hours daily. Not wanting to do anything. Stressed. Crying. Fretting.

Thank God for John. He helps me. Makes me smile. Is always there for me. I adore  him.

Wish I had more confidence.

Wish I was more extroverted.

Wish I would not have panic attacks.

Wish I was not so scared of life.

Wish I was more comfortable around others, especially men.

Wish I was able to live a richer fuller more rewarding life.

Fibromyalgia has been acting up. Having shoulder, hip, and thigh pains.

I had all my pre-surgery testing last week at the University of Tennessee. Blood work, EKG, and gave them my medical history for the anesthesiologist.

Dr Mancini is going in through my navel aka Belly Button with a Laparoscopy Camera to look around. Surgery is scheduled around 11 am on Tuesday the 10th of August. “Day Surgery” if all goes well.

Really want to get out of the hospital the same day as the surgery. Rosie needs me.

I pray that the surgery goes smoothly and that whatever has caused my pain and low weight loss can be easily scene and repaired. Lord Jesus guide the doctors and nurses taking care of me and bless them. I surrender my life, surgery and recovery to Jesus.